Which Lecram is this anyway?

As I was out and about last night I ran into several people. (Always a pleasant thing.) Anyway it got me thinking (very dangerous when that happens... keep the flammables away) that each one that I met has known me in a different context because (as it were) I wear many hats.

In medieval times people were assigned titles such as ,,, Richard the Lionhearted, etc... that sort of defined their place in history. So here are some that I have compiled for myself in the context that a few around here identify me as...

Lecram the Obscure Playwright - this one has been more true over the last 5 years. I used to crank those puppies out (and known as Lecram the Prolific)... until about 5 years ago. Still, I do have about 52 to my name and unless a Mack truck has my name on it tomorrow... there will be more coming soon.

Lecram the Disco Dancer - this was back when I was young and stupid. Enuff said.

Lecram the Rogue Dude - Yeah, I'm (still) known as that when I go out in public these days. People still come up to me and chat and "work" me because they think it is going to score them points in some way or another. The thing is I'm not in charge anymore... and even when I was... I'm chronically objective. But, it's nice and I have learned to be gracious over the years without making any promises. Then there is the variation...

Lecram the In-Charge Rogue Dude - now this is from the inner circle. OK... me and a few others started and ran this thing over a few years... but we are not in-charge anymore. Yes, things are changing and one of the reasons I stepped out is that things MUST change. If the Rogue is to survive and thrive it cannot be associated with one person or small group of "has beens". It's evolvolving. It has to be anm entity unto itself. "How it used to be" ain't how it's gonna be. Think outside the box... think bigger. Yes, there will be growing pains... but if it is to be... then it should be on it's own merit.

Lecram the Friend - I am a stalwart friend. I am also a very objective friend... sometimes to my my own detriment. The reason being that I often work with a lot of my friends. I actually can separate friendship from business... many can't. So, as a result I get cast as the ogre in a lot of situations just because I can make that separation where others choose to take it personally. Case and point... I found a better replacement for me in Suicide Lounge... and gladly so.

Lecram the Listener - Really, there is information that I know that I really should not (and need not) know about people. Yes, I actually listen. I don't jump to conclusions or make harsh judgments. If it is important to... I actually find out the other side of the story. I'm funny that way.

Lecram the Generous - I can be to a fault.

Lecram the Frugal - Yeah, I am. Why pay more if you don't have to? This is also byproduct of being Lecram the Starving Playwright and Lecram the Broke.

Lecram the Insecure - Aren't we all in some aspect of our lives?

Lecram the Morty - It's Morty... it ain't me. Morty is totally a cold heartless MOFO... but it's always business.

So, these are some I have come up with. I'm sure there are more that are unflattering and I have blocked out of my rabid infested mind. Which Lecram do you know... or which Lecram do you want to know about? And more importantly... which YOU is the prevailing YOU at the moment?

It occured to me today...

... that I really should rearrange my days. (Brilliant, Lecram!) Well, in order to maximize getting things done. Trouble is I've been waking up the last 3 or 4 nights at 3 AM. Not sure what this is all about. Then I slip back into slumber at 4:30 or 5 to awake at 7:30 or 8. It sort of just throws off the schedule and pace of my day that I had. Still, I'm not too concerned (yet) as some life transitions are happening. Nothing bad... just a matter of readjusting.

I actually got quite a few household chores complete before 11 AM today. Had ambitions for some other things to happen but those kinda fell by the wayside. Nothing drastic that will shake up the world but still... I do have to rethink my scheduling. On the upside... I took a business meeting this evening and may have landed gig. (I'll know tomorrow.) Nothing to retire on but a good beginning that hopefully will become more lucrative as time wears on.

On to other things...

After my business meeting I spent some time catching up with a musician friend of mine. Had a couple of beers and just casually jabbered about this and that. We have run into each other and done the 5 minute "Yeah, how's it going" thing but this is the first time in a long while where we have actually been able to chat without either one of us "having" to be some place else or entertaining company when we met.

The rest of the week (socially) is looking pretty full too. An old friend is in town and we have planned some catch-up time... also true with an former workmate. There is Suicide Lounge rehearsals and 2 video shoots (one possible paying gig)... so, suddenly my evenings are being booked up. Now that hasn't happened in quite a while.

So, for now... there are lots of little delights to look forward to. My vlog this coming week should have some fun footage as I plan on recording some of my comings and goings. I'm actually trending to calling them "vlogumentaries" - what do you think?

Hope your week is starting off well.

i needed that

bracing for the triple digits...

... at least in Fahrenheit terms. Yep, the next week or so the temps are going to be scorching. They expect 102 today... 107 tomorrow and perhaps even 109 on Friday. Hmmm... I'm thinking a big bowl of gazpacho and a couple of watermelons in the fridge may just be the thing to do.

This also means that the daily routines... cleaning, cooking, etc... MUST absolutely occur before 10 or 11 in the AM. If I know what's good for me this will happen. I actually began that routine this morning... the laundry was crispy dry within an hour. Huh, could be a good time to do my bedding in the AM. I do so love sun dried clothes and sheets.

The other bad thing about the high pressure and the heat in this region is that the air gets heavy. Really, it becomes pretty unhealthy and respiratory maladies begin to abound. It is one of the few places in the world where people develop asthma later in life. Between the proliferation of pollen in the spring and fall... plus the dust and heavy air in Summer (yeah, you should have seen the mound that came just from the air condition filter when I cleaned it out today)... it just wears on the body after a while. So, staying indoors becomes an essential thing to do.

Though, to balance things off... the nights around here are gorgeous. The temps drop about 30 degrees to a balmy mid 70's or so. Perfect whether to sit around sipping on sangrias and munching on cold cut fruit. This activity is good with or without company to share the experience. Hmm... let me put mangos and a papaya on my shopping list. There... done.

I also have a huge presentation to give to folks in the arts community that I'm preparing for. ( O.K. it's not that huge but it could mean business potential down the line.) This amended routine will afford me uninterrupted time to get it all spiffy. Yeah, it involves cutting video, powerpoint, etc.

Anyway, I suppose I should get started. Oh, and have a safe and fun 4th y'all!

the gig last night...

... was really good. Those who turned up to experience it had a good time. Those who didn't... too bad, they missed a good show. This one meant a lot to me on many fronts. It was my last performance with Suicide Lounge... for a while at least. For Tale End... well, to make a long story short... I have sold exclusive rights to the show to a more than worthy company. So, both are going on to bigger, brighter and better things.

It was fun nevertheless... here are some pics. None of tale end as photogman was too sucked into the whole deal.




EDIT: More pics






A big Thank You to everyone who made it possible.

and thus it begins!

Well, rehearsals for both shows are in full swing. Hopefully, my promo promiscuity works its magic and we get a good house for the gig. My tactic at the moment... sheer annoyance. Bombard the internet with notice and hopefully folks will turn up just so we will shut our traps. If you have a MySpace and have friended any of the entities that are connected to me... you'll definitely catch some of the blitz. Several bloggers from other parts of the continent have also picked up and posted the video (two posts down)... thank you! If you have a MySpace... copy and paste and send this out as a bulletin and help us spread the word!


IF YOU ARE IN THE FRESNO AREA... ONE NIGHT - ONE PRICE - TWO SHOWS! <br />ROGUE YEAR ROUND with Suicide Lounge & Tale End! Debauchery hasn't been this much fun in a long time. A debouched longe act followed with an even more debouched one-act!<br />A double header you can't afford to miss!<br /><br />$10<br />6:30 PM (Doors open at 6 PM - no latecomers after intermission.)<br />Sunday, July 1<br /><br />STARLINE Performance Venue<br />831 E. Fern<br /><br />Come early... order food from next door and drinks from the bar and enjoy!<br /><br /><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="never" allownetworking="internal" height="350" width="425" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/WJzZfarbeJE"><br /> <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="never"><br /> <param name="allowNetworking" value="internal"><br /> <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WJzZfarbeJE"><br /></object><br /><br />MORE INFO: <a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcm9ndWVmZXN0aXZhbC5jb20vcnlyL3J5cjA3Lmh0bQ==" target="_blank">AT THE ROGUE YEAR ROUND SITE!</a>
We had a rehearsal for Tale End... and it is not the same old hat. The cast and I are infusing some new stuff into it. With the time away... ideas have percolated even more.

On other fronts... it has been a good week with Mum. All in all she seems a lot more settled this week than most.

Perhaps updates in the AM.

EDIT: 9:15 AM
Just purged some dead links off my blogroll. It's always a little sad to do that but I do understand that folk give up blogging for various reasons. Glad I had a peek into their insight and perception for the time when thewy were active.

The Garage (Turtle Dove) Theater is being reset today. It was left a shambles from the time of the Rogue. I've decided to get it back to where it was and perhaps even more than it was by maybe buying THIS... I said maybe.

Well... off to do some damage.

my body clock is all out of whack...

... from pulling an all-nighter. If you haven't seen the video yet... check it out in the post below. I'll probably add more content to this post later in the AM.

EDIT: 9:45 AM, tuesday
Oh yeah... feel free to steal the video if you are so inclined. I looked at it this morning and thought to myself... "Self, that turned out pretty good." Sometimes looking back a day after creation I look at it and go "eh." or "what was I thinking?" ... but this one was "yeah." And BTW... I posted on daily motion and they flagged it as "inappropriate content"... WTF? Anyway, here is the code if you want it:

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WJzZfarbeJE"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WJzZfarbeJE" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

It's going to be a busy week around here. Rehearsals for both shows... more promo... general chores... but I think it will all be fun.

Perhaps more updates later.

EDIT: 1:00 PM
So, this is how much of a promo ho I am... the video has been posted HERE.

my day? ya really want to know?

Was up by 5:30 AM. Lolled around a bit in bed enjoying the glow of the dawn breaking outside. Thinking to my self... "Self, this could be quite a day."

Got on the puter and the net at 6:30 ish. Had a great chat with... could tell you but then you would want to take a hit out on me. Anyway, halfway through... thought I'd better fix up and serve breakfast for Mum. A vegie omelet with rice and a dab of soy. So good I indulged myself as well.

8:36 AM get a call informing me that a friend has passed away. The good thing (if there is a good thing about this) is that he went peacefully... and quick... like during an afternoon nap. Chatted with informant (and dear friend) on the horn a bit more and came up with a cool and quirky idea for a project we are working on... so call started sad but ended up creative.

Farted around surfing and doing business on the net. Write email of apology for flying off the handle on Sunday night... offer to make up by buying a whole steak sandwich. A friend comes by looking to buy a domain... hook him up... he buys 3.

11:03 AM... Get an email that another friend is playing hooky. Invite friend to "hang"... friend takes me up on invitation and says will be over in an hour or so. During same email session Mike (in email) says that last song for Frogway is done and is online to Skype. Fire up the Skype engine and voice chat with him. Reworked song lyrics are transfered as well as music. Different from what was originally pitched.... but it totally works!!! Yay!!!! Chat a bit more about progress of show (it's all good) and end call.

11:26 AM... head to kitchen to cook. Cook. (Pork soup with cabbage and onions.) Another friend comes by to ask if I can drive his car back home from the airport to avoid long term parking. Sure... I'll do it this afternoon when friend who comes to hang drops by.

11: 40 AM Serve Mum lunch. Go to bathroom to shower before friend who is going to hang arrives. There is crud in the shower. I have seen this before. Flush loo... crud comes up from shower drain. SHIT! The damn thing (sewer) is blocked!!! I have a web client coming over before friend that hangs arrives. Friend that hangs arrives. Call rooter service. Serve friend that hangs lunch. Web client calls... I beg to reschedule... shit is hitting the fan! Rooter service calls... service agent will be over in half an hour.

20 minutes past noon... rooter service arrives and I explain that sewer vent is actually located in neighbor's yard in the back (don't ask). We go over and I knock on door. Neighbor's son... draped in towel (probably interrupted his "afternoon" delight) very nicely says, "Do what you have to" closes door and gets back to his bitnezz. (Sorry,, dude... but... as you were and more.) Rooting begins as friend who (patiently) hangs surfs on computer. Rooting goes on and on and finally... it drains!

2 PM... $145 later I clean up the shower and take one. Tell Mum that I'm going out for a bit. Propose to friend who hangs that after we drop friend who needs car pick up at his car we go to Big Lots. Friend is dropped off at car rental place... we head to Target. Return a swimsuit (very pretty bikini with gold specks) buy 18 cotton panties and head to Big Lots!

2:45 PM... Cruise aisles of Big Lots... and there is lots to see! It's one of the few places that I actually browse and not power shop. (Really, virtually impossible to power shop there.)

4:32 PM... we have already even done a third of the place but there is a Mum feeding coming up. We pay for the goodies (some of which we didn't need... but it's cool stuff, dammit!) and head off to the homestead.

5:14 PM... Mom feeding. After which friend who hangs and I head out to the usual watering hole. We drink, eat and chat. Very enjoyable and the first relaxation of the entire dar

6:43 PM... After 2 scotch sodas... friend who hangs drives and drops me at the homestead and been a real joy to hang with... thank you so much! Get home and I serve Mum ice cream.

This is the most I've been out in eons and I needed it bad. Tah Dah!

and on it goes

• On Saturday a small army descended on to my house and helped clean and fix things up here. Organized by a friend they helped make living conditions around the homestead much better. Thank you all who came by to make this happen. I am both grateful and humbled by your gift to us.
• I blew my top last night over a professional situation that has been a mounting source of frustration over the last couple of months. I probably shouldn't have but I did. I hate it when that happens and am sorry at how it happened.
• That being said, I refuse to capitulate to a no-can-do point of view without even the consideration of trying.
  
• However, I am also beginning to tire of facing the same battles I've fought all my life.
• I need to make time to get out a little more even though the situation calls for me to be around the homestead a lot more than it used to.
  
• There is a LOON IN JUNE over at Jungle Webs. .NET & .ORG at $8.75... .COM are $6.95... .INFO are .99! Plus if you plonk the following code (5NC25) in at checkout... you get a 5% off for orders over $25! Shhh... tell everyone!
  

for the past 3 days after breakfast...

... I go in for my hourly check to find her sitting in the living room. In the corner, by the door her handbag is stuffed with her essentials. On the floor next to it a wooden hand carved Madonna ... something that I had won on a dare in my teen years. She is waiting for the "transport" to take her to the "new place"... this elusive property that someone has supposedly bought for her. Of course, the transport never comes and after I serve her lunch she goes into her room to lie down. I know the memory of today will slip away in her sleep and she will be waiting again tomorrow.

In variants of this living fable that she is living out, I have already moved to this new place... even though I prepare her meals for her every day. In another she wants me to visit her when she is moved so that she will know how I am doing.

Last night as I sat outside enjoying the breeze and skinning a mango, I wondered where this obsession to move came from. Then it struck me. I recalled an on and off topic of discussion between her and my father when I was younger. We lived in class 4 government quarters even though Dad was entitled to better living accomodation. That's where it must have begun. Maybe promises were made... though I don't recall any being made. Perhaps that's where I learned to make few promises... and to keep the ones I did make.

The irony is that he did provide the opportunity to move. His pension after his death when I was 12, provided the capital to buy a new house. One that she owned outright... one that she sold years later to buy this one when she moved out here. Perhaps in her mind "moving to a new place" never really happened... perhaps the yearning has resurfaced once more because it wasn't something they did together... that even though she has owned her own home it still didn't count without him.

Perhaps it is something I just want to believe just so it makes some sense to me... simply a way to continue coping.

busted power unit

I was setting up a new computer today and the power unit is busted. So it's going back and I get a replacement in 2 weeks or so. Sometimes it just goes that way. Anyway, I was thinking about upgrading the present one to handle video editing... after a bit of math it was better just to get a new one dedicated to doing that. Yeah, I'm taking that on to earn some side income... and it may be time to try my hand at movies. I look at it as a business investment.

So, this gives me a little more time to clear out the unnecessaries and claim the office as my own once again. After the last 4 years of it being Rogue Central... it will be nice to have the space back. There are stacks of things that I have to weed through... but I think reclaiming space will be cathartic to say the least. At least the office will be a little bigger when that pile goes out. Who knows what treasures lurk in there?

This that and the other... bit by bit it will all get done... only to find more junk from elsewhere to hoard. All my piths are back again though.

Thats it for now. Hmmm... what's on PBS?

then you awaken at 3 AM..

... and wonder what happened? What happened is you popped in a movie at 9 PM, fell asleep in the middle of it not realizing you were a lot more tired than you thought you originally were. Yep, that's exactly what happened last night. So, it's 4 AM now and you are scratching your head on what to post.

Hmmm... perhaps I'll pop that movie in again... a couple more hours sleep would be nice.

a little more intense than first anticipated...

... but getting there. So, it'll be a little quiet around here for a while. But things are plugging along nicely. Though I can say I got anf email... the contents brought me to tears. But it's all good. Details to come.

Cheers!

it's 5 AM...

... and I'm up looking at the first glow of the day begin to warm the sky. The pollen count was so high yesterday that I carried a numb headache for most of it... though it was evident at rehearsal last night that I was not alone. Hopefully today will bring some relief... but that may be too much to ask.

There has been a constant no-show at Suicide Lounge rehearsal... sad as it may be is not really surprising. We move on.

Supplies have been stocked up again. The big find were yellow mangos... the kind I grew up eating in Malaysia. (Third row down... second from the right.) This was the local variety that was commonly found. The flavors were not as intense as others but no less delicious. I also spotted the sour green mangos but demurred from buying any this time. It's my favorite. I can just eat one of those with a little dab of salt. An uncle of mine had a tree of those in his front yard that seemed always laden with fruit. Great for pickling and brining.

There was a time growing up when a dwarf mango tree of an exotic variety (anything but local) growing in one's front yard was quite the status symbol back home. If one was invited over for dinner it was a guarantee that one would be lead to the plant by the proud owner. He would then tell of his great adventure acquiring and growing it. Of course, it was quite the insult if one didn't admire it and say something like, "Wow, you are very lucky. That variety is tough to find/grow here." This would fill the owner with beaming pride and you would be promised a fruit as soon as they were ripe. I wonder if this trend still survives.

I've always thought of the mango as a very sexy fruit. The shape. the taste, the aroma... something very earthy about it all. Today, I plan on skinning and slicing the ones I found and chilling them in the fridge for a bit. Then, after lunch I will quietly indulge myself... savoring the sweet tartness of paradise.

EDIT: Images of my walk to the store and back this morning. OK, they may not be as interesting as Zonthar's recent travelogue to the British Isles or as fascinating as Cosima's Hong Kong adventures... but hey, they are pictures! Something to look at, right? Anyway, I usually bike to the store... today I walked. Feel free to click on them for larger sizes.

This is the path that began the journey. ::swell of music - theme from Lawrence of Arabia::

I ran into my friend and neighbor Chef Tony. We chatted a bit then we both went our separate ways. BTW it was his day off.

Ah... it's being sold. Jeffery Dahmer's mother used to live here... really! She was here when news of him being offed in prison came. The neighbors were very protective and parked their cars on the street so that the News vans couldn't camp out in front.

One of the oldest gas stations in the big No. It's actually designated as a historical landmark. Was once the "last chance gas" places before you hit the wilderness heading north. I love that the old ice room and pumps are still here.

This used to be on the edge of the wilderness... now it leads to one of the upscale old neighborhoods in mid town.

One of my favorite signs.

Mural with tagging on the side of the store.

Lion guarding a 4-plex.

One of my favorite adobe styled houses on my block.

There you have it. Oh yeah... I got cookies and milk. Oh, and I can't wait till tomorrow... just saying. ::swell of music again as screen goes to dark and credits roll::

OK... back.

If you came by earlier and I wasn't here it's because I was migrating my blog to a different server. Hope I didn't scare you too much. Just doing some geeky web related stuff that I'll go into later. Let's just say that I've decided to impose the learning curve back onto myself. All part of forward movement.

not quite at wits end... but getting there

It's been a challenging week. Yesterday for instance, started with Mum packing up her things putting it in front of the house and saying good-bye to the neighbors. For the past week she has been obsessing that I have sold the house and that someone has bought her property. All of this was transpiring while I was trying to set up a Mother's Day lunch in the front yard. (More on the lunch later.) In the evening, convinced that I was an ogre for refusing to drive her to said property she began canvasing the neighbors to take her to this elusive new abode.

This morning after I had served her breakfast I got on the computer for a bit in my office in the back. As per usual I went to check up on her on the hour to find her gone. One neighbor had seen her heading in an easterly direction. I walk around the block and see nary a sign of her. This same neighbor offers to drive me to locate her. 3 blocks away we find her... get her into the car and get her back home. Again, she was heading out to her elusive phantom property... not actually having any idea as to where it actually is.

So, now I have to get a latch for the front door (that is out of reach to her) so that these episodes do not occur again without me knowing. If she his going to leave it will have to be by the back door where I am in eyeshot from my garage office. I would now go into my daily routine of laundry, dishes, cooking, etc but won't lest I be accused of self congratulatory indulgence.

THE UPSHOT
My neighbors have been gems about all of this. Because I have been involved between daily house chores and trying to eak out a living on my computer I have neglected the care of the front yard. This Saturday a couple of neighbors took care of that. The others are aware of Mum's condition and will keep a watchful eye on her.

A couple of friends like APJ have been of great assistance in facilitating many practical needs... groceries, etc. Kowboi, Mustang and Steph have come over to help pick Mum up whenever she has fallen. Then good folks like Thereminman will call every so often just to say "hi" and offer support. His lovely wife has also been a wonderful font of information on social service resources. Aunts of my ex-wife come by every week just to say Hi. RP and wife are planning to come by to help with some cleanup. Many of you online have left comments of support that is much appreciated. Others like Trashed and family (who live 400 odd miles away) came by after their trip to Yosemite to spend lunch with Mum yesterday. Mum thrives on company so this was a special treat for her. That was the really nice part of yesterday.

So, if you live in the big NO and want to help (yes, I'm asking)... even coming by to spend half an hour chatting with Mum or taking her for a drive... do so. She loves company. She may not remember you but try not to take that personally.

last night I was thinking about food...

... perhaps the real question should be... when do I not? It was spurred on by something that Mum said yesterday as I was sharing a meal with her. "You have become quite a good cook." I beamed because that is indeed high praise coming from one's mother.

I was thinking about how I learned to cook pretty early in life. By the age of 8, I could whip up a pretty decent fried rice. By my teen years I had amassed a good stash of recipes and was able to lay out an entire (and balanced) meal for the dinner table off the top of my head. (No recipe books for this boy.) I loved (and still love) the physical act of cooking. The prep... deciding what goes in and in what proportions... and when it's done and ready to serve. I think it was the the magic of combining various food elements to produce a certain distinct taste that first grabbed me.

Though it was only in my early 20's that I began to appreciate and understand the subtleties and nuances that affect the palette. Until that point in time cooking was more of a functional joy. But the more I cooked the more secrets were revealed to me. For instance, how chopped, sliced and crushed garlic all provide a different value to a dish. Sure, I could have read up about it (and eventually did) but it was the pure joy of discovery through doing that made these revelations akin to the apprentice uncovering the dead wizard's secrets. One day it seemed as if the unprepared food was communicating with me. I was infused with the innate knowledge of what, when, why and how much... and all of this was coming from the food itself.

ONION: If you are thinking of using me in that cucumber salad... slice me wafer thin... and a slight sprinkle of salt will bring out my sweetness. A squeeze of lime as a dressing will hide it until the fresh crunch of the cucumber dissipates... then my true nectar will bloom to its fullness.

It was this that occupied my slightly deranged mind last night... how when we eat several sensation explosions occur. Taste, smell, touch... this series of little explosions... perfectly timed and building one upon another that provides the total sensuousness to the act of eating. This in turn triggers a euphoria... further releasing various chemical secretions into the rest of our physical being that causes us to shut our eyes in delight and moan wistfully as we implode into the complete surrender of the moment to the meal ... not unlike that exquisite sexual experience. And when sharing a meal with someone else this communion becomes a menage a trois with the meal having it's way with both of you simultaneously.

::wiping my brow::

And while I was thinking about all of this... I came up with an idea for a play about a terrorist chef.

EDIT:
And to all you Mamas out there... be celebrated... be very celebrated... you deserve it! Cheers!
.

I'm feeling much better now.

(You know, I always felt that should have been the iconic line from the movie The Sixth Sense... instead of the "dead people" line.) There are still a whole load of challenges up ahead but I'll deal with them one at a time. Thank you all who left supportive comments. I am not usually the whine-meister but I allowed the last wave of feeling overwhelmed get the better of me. It incapacitated me and I despise feeling like that. Anyway, that's over... for now.

My day was pretty low key. I did cook however... a rice noodle soup that both Mum and I quite enjoyed. It was a nice change for both of us and was something that neither of us had had in quite a while. Now that I make it a point to share at least one meal a day with her its nice to watch her enjoying her food. I think there is enough for lunch tomorrow as well.

I'm guessing that tomorrow will be pretty low key too. I have several projects to complete. All in the creative vein so at least I will be engaged. The trick though is to get an early start on things.

and then what?

Floating in this swirl of uncertainty is really starting to get to me. Now I fully understand that there are no guarantees in life but I'm twirling at the end of a thread more so than I have ever done so before. It is not a new occurance in my life but the difference this time is that I have someone depending on me. I knew the present shift I am in would be extreme but it really feels like a free-fall. But where there is life there is hope, right? Excuse me while I hold my breath until the glow appears at the end of that seemingly endless tunnel.

BTW... the issues from the last post were finally resolved. So, perhaps there really is some forward motion.

There is much to be thankful for though. People mostly. Those who remind me that I have made a lot happen... and that I can again. The difference this time is that I need to make it happen for me.

So, those of you who come by... forgive my indulgence in these postings. I do not apologize for them. I have not and will not apologize for honestly expressing how I feel. At least I can still do that.

This must be blood letting Sunday...

... or something close. First, I'm pulling clothes out of the washer to line dry them and something scrapes my middle finger breaking the skin. So I practice some ancient alchemy - suck on it and it will all be better. I hang the clothes on the line... no big deal. Figure they will be dry within 2 hours with the current sunshine beating down.

I head into the kitchen. Suddenly have a hankering for a baked potato drizzled with garlic, pepper and salt. OK, in reality it's really a microwaved potato - heck, three and a half minutes and it's done!

As I reach for a plate to put it on I feel something little and sharp puncture the underside of my foot. While balancing a plate with a potato on it I pull up my foot and see the crimson ooze begin to emerge. I hop over put the plate in, turn on the microwave and contemplate ancient alchemy once more. Though sucking on one's foot just didn't seem the right thing to do at the time.

I guess the best thing would be to clean the wound and apply pressure. The ooze finally coagulates and the ruby flow stops. I think I will remain as still as possible for the rest of the day just so the fates won't be tempted. Afterall, three times the charm, right?