for the past 3 days after breakfast...

... I go in for my hourly check to find her sitting in the living room. In the corner, by the door her handbag is stuffed with her essentials. On the floor next to it a wooden hand carved Madonna ... something that I had won on a dare in my teen years. She is waiting for the "transport" to take her to the "new place"... this elusive property that someone has supposedly bought for her. Of course, the transport never comes and after I serve her lunch she goes into her room to lie down. I know the memory of today will slip away in her sleep and she will be waiting again tomorrow.

In variants of this living fable that she is living out, I have already moved to this new place... even though I prepare her meals for her every day. In another she wants me to visit her when she is moved so that she will know how I am doing.

Last night as I sat outside enjoying the breeze and skinning a mango, I wondered where this obsession to move came from. Then it struck me. I recalled an on and off topic of discussion between her and my father when I was younger. We lived in class 4 government quarters even though Dad was entitled to better living accomodation. That's where it must have begun. Maybe promises were made... though I don't recall any being made. Perhaps that's where I learned to make few promises... and to keep the ones I did make.

The irony is that he did provide the opportunity to move. His pension after his death when I was 12, provided the capital to buy a new house. One that she owned outright... one that she sold years later to buy this one when she moved out here. Perhaps in her mind "moving to a new place" never really happened... perhaps the yearning has resurfaced once more because it wasn't something they did together... that even though she has owned her own home it still didn't count without him.

Perhaps it is something I just want to believe just so it makes some sense to me... simply a way to continue coping.

not quite at wits end... but getting there

It's been a challenging week. Yesterday for instance, started with Mum packing up her things putting it in front of the house and saying good-bye to the neighbors. For the past week she has been obsessing that I have sold the house and that someone has bought her property. All of this was transpiring while I was trying to set up a Mother's Day lunch in the front yard. (More on the lunch later.) In the evening, convinced that I was an ogre for refusing to drive her to said property she began canvasing the neighbors to take her to this elusive new abode.

This morning after I had served her breakfast I got on the computer for a bit in my office in the back. As per usual I went to check up on her on the hour to find her gone. One neighbor had seen her heading in an easterly direction. I walk around the block and see nary a sign of her. This same neighbor offers to drive me to locate her. 3 blocks away we find her... get her into the car and get her back home. Again, she was heading out to her elusive phantom property... not actually having any idea as to where it actually is.

So, now I have to get a latch for the front door (that is out of reach to her) so that these episodes do not occur again without me knowing. If she his going to leave it will have to be by the back door where I am in eyeshot from my garage office. I would now go into my daily routine of laundry, dishes, cooking, etc but won't lest I be accused of self congratulatory indulgence.

THE UPSHOT
My neighbors have been gems about all of this. Because I have been involved between daily house chores and trying to eak out a living on my computer I have neglected the care of the front yard. This Saturday a couple of neighbors took care of that. The others are aware of Mum's condition and will keep a watchful eye on her.

A couple of friends like APJ have been of great assistance in facilitating many practical needs... groceries, etc. Kowboi, Mustang and Steph have come over to help pick Mum up whenever she has fallen. Then good folks like Thereminman will call every so often just to say "hi" and offer support. His lovely wife has also been a wonderful font of information on social service resources. Aunts of my ex-wife come by every week just to say Hi. RP and wife are planning to come by to help with some cleanup. Many of you online have left comments of support that is much appreciated. Others like Trashed and family (who live 400 odd miles away) came by after their trip to Yosemite to spend lunch with Mum yesterday. Mum thrives on company so this was a special treat for her. That was the really nice part of yesterday.

So, if you live in the big NO and want to help (yes, I'm asking)... even coming by to spend half an hour chatting with Mum or taking her for a drive... do so. She loves company. She may not remember you but try not to take that personally.

so, mum fell...

... again today. Kowboi has a real job and I could not call him for help. Mustang (who was ever so kind a couple of weeks ago to swing by to help) has always had a real job so that was out of the question. Finally, I called Steph who gallantly came by to help her up. Nothing serious... but once she is down the logic to get up does escape her. Thank you very much Steph... Mum was still talking (fondly) about you after you left.

Though it wasn't a major thing it did shoot out my day where writing was concerned. There was laundry, washing and cooking to take care of. Then APJ came over and we took care of some business that had to be taken care of... after which she kidnapped me for a scotch and some nachos.

I am back home now gearing up to get back to writing... or rewriting as the case may be. I'm a day and a half behind and will probably pull an all nighter just to meet the deadline. It all hinges on me right now. See ya on the other side.

EDIT: Er... who's generation? I hear the youngest in this group is 90.

so, the producers need...

... the current rewrite of Frogway in a week and a half. Other than outlining the changes that I want to be made I have not begun to work on it as yet. Though if the outlining that I've done works the way I want it to... it may be completed in 5 days. This is planned as a complete slash and burn rework. Of course, all of this is exasperated by the fact that a digital copy of the script doesn't exist. So, I guess I'll spend the rest of the evening scanning it all in.

Though I have to say that working with Mike again has been totally fun. We Skype once a day for about an hour or so. I managed to "acquire" a full working version of Sibelius (don't ask how) and that has made the process even easier. (Yes, my musician friends hold a mixture of awe and hate for me because I have a copy of it.) Makes rewriting and reworking the songs for the show half way around the world very easy. So, things are clipping along in that area. On top of that there is a sudden interest about mounting the show here as well... royalty money... good.

Plus, I have also been hired by Theatre Ventoux to shoot and cut a couple of promo videos for their upcoming production. (Yeah, this too has to be done way soon!) I went over to catch a rehearsal on Friday and think they have the promise of a really good show in the works. If you live in and around the big NO... make sure you catch it!

Then there is Jungle Webs... and marketing that... so that there will be a stream of income... so that we can eat. If you can shill that for me I may begin to get some more business... it would really help.

All of this plus tending to Mum's needs. So, it's safe to say that my eyeballs are floating at the moment. So, postings may be a little sporadic... just saying.

MY WEEKEND?
It was a good friend weekend. One came over on Friday to assist me with unplugging the john. Another, on Saturday morning responded within 15 minutes via a phone plea to help Mum up who had fallen. Yet another came over Saturday evening to "get my back" on some needed items around the house. And another came by after work "just to hang"... which is just what the doctor ordered. I've said it before and I'll say it again... one of the biggest blessings in my life are my friends. Thanks so much, guys!

Here's wishing your weekend starts off well.

it's 2 AM...

... think I'll leave a post for later in the day. It may be more lucid than if I attempt to leave one now... just beat from working on graphics. For now... here's hoping your Tuesday starts well.

EDIT: 10:59 AM
Breakfast for Mum... check! Dishes washed... check! Lunch completed... check! Coffee brewed... check! Now it's time for yet more graphics! But not before a post first. (Oops... laundry still needs to be done.)

Those have been my days for the last few months (except substitute graphics work for playwriting for a month and a half.)... and will be for a while. Still, that is my daily routine. Now that it's become more of a routine... I quite enjoy it. It's definitely a shift from the life I used to live but life shifts all the time. This one too will shift eventually.

There are certain little things I take pleasure with now that I never did before. Having lunch with Mum being just one. It's not an everyday occurrence (depends on if she is napping or not) but sharing a mid-day meal together happens at least 5 times a week. I was always too busy before... working, etc... to be able to do this. And frankly... it wasn't something I really cared to do in the past. But that too has shifted over the past 6 months. (The added bonus is that she always compliments me on my cooking... this is particularly gratifying from someone who knows how the dish should actually taste.)

BTW.... on the menu today is (double pot) steamed chicken soup (Chinese style) with garlic, ginger and mushrooms served with garlic rice.

Mum update.

She is up and around. In fact, she was sweeping the front of the house yesterday. (Yeah, so now I'm going to be accused for elder labor too.) Anyway, she is fine.

On to other news.... If you go to the TJ Blog, you will see (especially if you live in the big "NO") you can win yourself an opportunity to see a preview of Tale End for free this coming weekend!

More later maybe...

Oi Vey!

So, I get a call this morning asking me to call a number, to speak to so and so to perhaps find out if there is public assistance available for Mum. I call. The number is to Adult Protective Services. Great. The gentleman on the other end of the line begins to grill me on the possibility that I am not caring for my elderly mother. That someone called to say that I am incapable of caring for her and at worst neglecting her.

We talk for a bit. I explain that I'm doing the best I can. That apart from the natural ravages of the aging process... she is healthy. That I make sure that she has her meals which I cook and serve to her daily. That yes, my mother does fall on occasion and that a friend who lives close by is on call and available to help me pick her up when that does happen. The conversation then shifted to some other services that I may be able to seek for her. So, the call ended on a positive note.

After hanging up... I call back the person who called me with the number. I carefully explained to her that I really appreciate her and some of the others coming over to visit and chat with Mum... and even helping with the clean-up. (I only wash the dishes in the sink once every 2-3 days... guess when they usually turn up?) That the call from the number I was given by her yielded some useful information and resources. I also explained to her that one of the reasons I had given up a $40, 000 year a job was just so I could be on the homestead... where Mum needed me. (There has been talk among this same group that I was fired.) That I appreciate their concern but did not appreciate being grilled this morning from a social service with the possibility of elder abuse. The call was unemotional and courteous... and to the point. I'm all about "well meaning intentions" but please try to get the full story first before acting.

My thoughts on this whole thing? I am far from the perfect son. I am untidy. I am unconventional. But I do take care of business and the needs of my mother. All of this could have easily been avoided if they had just chosen to speak to me about it. But then... their actions were probably initiated by their already sullied perceptions of me (ruled by their conventional standards of how things should be... a line which I have never towed).

So, great... now that this social service has our details... I'm probably on the radar for elder abuse. Here is that sharp curve on the roller-coaster again. So, that's how my day started.

EDIT: 4:35 PM
So, this has knocked the wind out of my sails. I had planned a grand day of things to be accomplished. As of this writing... only 10 percent has... which now makes me feel even worse. Fuck!

the wedding was very sweet...

... in fact, for a limited time you can still watch a re-run HERE. (Click Darryl Hinds/Carly Jones) I even had a date to the wedding with a fellow blogger via chat. We even brought our owh slurps and nosh for an improvised reception after. I had a fried chimichanga and beer. The best part of the whole thing was that I didn't have to dress up for it. Still, it was a privilidge to have witnessed it.

Rehearsals were stellar last night... and (for the first time) all of us chimed in at the same time on the TJ Blog. Suicide Lounge rehearsals also began last night. Boy, do I have a long way to go on that. LOL!

This morning Mum fell again and one more time Kowboi came to the rescue. I already know that this is going to be a more frequent occurance. All I can do is be prepared for it. Once again, a big THANK YOU, Kowboi!

Now, to fininsh the laundry... go out to get it dry. Cooking for the day has already been accomplished. Then it's back to graphics work for the Rogue. BTW... click this LINK and you'll get to a post that links to some of our performers presence online.

So, yesterday began bumpy but ended well. This morning was bumpy too. I can only hope that the ending of the day mirrors yesterday.