the accuser is the accused...

... most of the time. The topic came up recently during a conversation about cheating spouses. A friend was sharing how the "ex" would make accusations of cheating when it was really the ex who was cheating all along. This sparked a lively discussion with the collective agreement that the accuser is more often than not the accused.

When I was younger I was told that "pointing the finger gets 3 pointed back at you". Quaint, I thought to myself until about 20 years ago when I caught myself committing this very sin. What was once a quaint proverb became a very real truth and those 3 fingers of my own hand pointing back at me loomed large. I have since (mended my ways and) learned that accusations only come from expressing our own fears - the very (dark and unsavory) acts we would commit are the same ones we would accuse others of.

If the action never existed within our own realm of possibility we would usually not make the accusation. For instance, another friend a few years ago was sharing marriage woes with me. After several of these chats I suggested that perhaps there was a third party involved and it was vehemently dismissed by my friend. Unfortunately, it turned out to be true. I wasn't really surprised that my friend didn't even consider this a possibility since it was not part of my friend's nature in the first place.

I do however have to qualify all of this by saying that it almost always applies to unfounded accusations. Now if one sees the hand with crumbs... chances are the cookie jar is being pilfered. That's a different discussion entirely.

Unfounded suspicions emerge from the very same place. Not just in matters of the heart but even in the workplace and at play. The one who accuses of slacking is usually always the biggest slacker of the bunch. In gambling... the one accusing of cheating would probably be the biggest cheater at the table. Blurting the accusation is only the eruption fueled usually by mounting guilt and misperceptions. Unfounded accusations and suspicions really only betray one's own possible failings and fears and only illuminates our own dark intent.

On an entirely different note... to all my Chinese friends out there... Kung Hee Fatt Choy! (that's one of the dozen or so spellings I've seen it done in.)